the only college i ever wanted to go to was Spelman.
i thought it would be easier to be queer.
then i grew up.
and the south became out of the question.
i was feeling a bit uneasy earlier.
i had to think about my unfortunate reality. the fact that i might actually have to give the cats away. having them in the first place was the most irresponsible thing ive ever, ever done. im so sorry that i did this to them. i wont let go until ive exhausted all my options. im willing to do everything i thought id never do.
id like to think this stress is similar to the stress you get when you have kids.
if so, i cant handle it.
i cant handle not being able to come through for my kids in every way possible.
I’ve become so angry I don’t understand it.
I find myself jumping from anger straight to actions with no thought In between. How does that happen exactly? When did that happen? My heart becomes intensely uncomfortable and my adrenaline is rushing. My eyes water, I wanna cry and scream. Everything has become x10 and I don’t fucking understand it. I just fucking don’t!